MY SWEET JULIA!

I just returned from Illinois this past week visiting my sweet, sweet aunt who is suffering from pancreatic cancer. She was diagnosed about two months ago and was told she had six months to live. Pancreatic cancer is a very progressive cancer, and part of the disease is dealing with pain management. The pancreas is quite small, so any size tumor makes it almost unbearable on the body. Her pain happens to be in her back, also making radiation difficult because she has a hard time lying on her back for any length of time. When she first was told she had cancer, her first reaction was that she did not want treatment, but after having talked to several people and having been told about the Cancer Treatment Centers of America (CTCA), she decided she would go there and be evaluated and possibly see what treatment there was out there. So she ended up in Illinois, about an hour from my brother's house in Wisconsin, so I was able to visit with both of them.

Different family members and friends have taken turns to go stay with my aunt. She's not getting around very well, and is, needless to say, taking more medication than you can imagine. I'm so glad that I was able to go because I do not know when I will see my aunt again, or if I will. I was able to spend a long Memorial weekend with her. She has bad days, and not so bad days, but the pain never goes away. She had decided to do the radiation and chemo, but it just has not worked out for her. She has to lie on her back for 20 mins on a narrow, hard table in order to take the radiation, and so far the pain has been too great. I truly believe she is scared of it. I've never been face to face with this beast we call cancer, so lately I've been thinking about what would I do if it were me. Would I bypass the treatment and live each day in such terrible pain that I could hardly stand it, knowing the Cancer is quickly going to spread to every part of my being, or would I fight the beast with radiation and chemo in the hopes that it would prolong my life a little more, possibly even save my life, but being so sick from the treatment that I wish I were dead? What would you do?

37,000 people a year get pancreatic cancer; 34,000 of them will not make it to the next year. The odds are not good. Where does this disease come from? Do we bring this disease on ourselves by the things we put on or in our bodies? Which sounds better for you, soaking up the sun's UV rays into our skin, or soaking up a toxic suntan lotion to prevent the sun's UV rays from burning our skin? We should all eat healthier so how about a salad? We'll make it much more efficient for you and your family and we'll bag the ready-to-go lettuce for you. Don't worry, it's been rinsed already for you (WITH CLOROX AND WATER), not once but three times. DID YOU KNOW THIS? And our FDA approves of this? I sometimes wonder whose best interest they have in mind. I've come to start analyzing our way of life. Maybe I shouldn't. Or should I?

I truly do not know the answer. Scientists say they are closer than ever to finding the answer to what makes this beast attack. My guess will be they will discover some genetic component or even difficiency, wacked out cells, anything but maybe the way we're living. We live in a plastic/toxic society. If it's not wrapped in plastic, then we'll eat it and then store it in a plastic container in our friges afterwards. There's toxins and chemicals in probably every single thing we eat, just about. I spend a lot of money on eating healthy. Isn't it sad that if you want to be healthy and try to do right for your family, that it will cost you? The average family almost cannot afford to eat healthy. With the cost of produce and fresh fruit, it's almost impossible.

But I am sure of one thing, we are all on a journey called "life," just passing thru, knowing this is not our eternal home. My aunt is a Christian and she knows she would be much better off in eternity with her maker than here in this sinful and fallen world. The sweetest time I will always remember is reading my Bible to her and praying with her in her room before she was scheduled for her radiation. Bless her heart, she never complained, not once, while I was there with her. What would be the point, I suppose? And although tears fill my eyes as I write this, knowing she knows our Lord and Savior sure makes it all the more well with my soul!

I love this lady who has been a big, big part of me and my brother's and my sister's lives. And the memory of all of those wonderful Christmas trees you used to decorate when we were little will be forever etched in my memory. Growing up we thought they were the most beautiful things we had ever seen. They made our Christmases special. Thanks, Aunt Julia, for all the wonderful memories and for your forever smiling face! We love you more than words could possibly say.